Despite an estimated 25% to 40% of the world’s population being classified as introverts, many misconceptions about the personality trait still exists. Perhaps no where is this more obvious than the Pentecostal church that has often emphasized outward displays of religious expression, but rarely stressed inner disciplines such as contemplation, silence, solitude, and biblical meditation. Such emphasis has often resulted in introverts being encouraged to “let go” or “surrender to the Spirit” making them feel as if somehow they are spiritually inferior. That somehow their lack of outward visible expression indicates they are somehow ashamed of Christ, or more specifically the “movement of the Holy Spirit.” The perception has often existed that the one who is more explicit in prayer and praise, or the preacher who is more visually expressive and audibly boisterous, has a greater “anointing”. Such interpretation has frequently lead to the introvert to fabricate such expression or question their place and purpose in the Kingdom.

All of my life I have been extremely shy, but it was not until I went to collage that I learned I was an “introvert”. While in my childhood and adolescent years this primarily displayed itself in preferring more to spend time with one or two friends over being in a crowd, and not being known as “quiet”. As a grew older I increasingly became aware of how others often perceived me. Many saw me as stuck-up, antisocial, intimidating, and very hard to get to know. Before salvation I actually enjoyed this personae because it cultivated a level of fear that enabled me to feel in control. However, since I surrendered my heart to Christ I have grown progressively frustrated with such perceptions. While I admit I still enjoy times of solitude and the company of a few over many, I deeply desire for people to see and know the person I believe God is transforming me into.

As a missionary living outside the US, my frustrations with being introverted and incredibly shy (they are not always synonymous) were minimal. Much of my ministry involved engaging with smaller groups of people or single individuals. Also cross-cultural ministry requires times of patient observation and awareness that as an introvert I was comfortable with. Teaching and preaching in front of large groups did not trigger any issues due to times of preparation, and because in those contexts it was rarely interactive. Where conversations did take place that would normally be difficult for me, the fact that I perceived them as containing a deeper missiological purpose limited any timidness on my part. To put it simply, I was comfortable.

This solace ended when God led us back to the US to pastor here in Illinois. Immediately I felt out of my element despite being back in my home nation. Pastoral ministry demands both interacting with large groups of people and individuals simultaneously. While for various reasons I do not struggle in the pulpit, the interaction before and after are very difficult for me. Even though God has given me an immeasurable amount of love for the people here, and I earnestly yearn to know them more deeply, I seem incapable of maintaining the most simple of conversations. In a majority of situations, I feel like either I said something stupid, insensitive, or was completely misunderstood.

So, where does all of this leave a Christian introvert? Do I need delivered? I don’t want to be intimidating. I truly yearn for people to really know me. I earnestly desire to carry on daily conversations and “small-talk”. My heart aches to both know those God has given me and move them into a closer walk with Christ. I crave for my leaders and fellow pastors to see past my lack of outward expression and apparent coldness, and see the person that God has been transforming for the last 32 years. How does an extremely shy introvert prevent the dynamics of their personality, along with their awkwardness in conversation, from showing the world who they truly are in Christ? I didn’t write all of this because I have an answer, because I don’t. I am just trying to be genuine, vulnerable, and transparent, and allow the thoughts on the inside to somehow find their way out… Also I am pretty certain that I am not the only Pentecostal introvert that is simply looking to understand themself and to be understood by others.